He can't breathe. He tries to open his lungs, his pores, his body ... to breathe.
His chest is so tightened he can barely utter words.
His chest tightens, my chest tightens, with the feeling of blame in my heart.
Doctors say "Take this pill, it should help".
200 mg, 400 mg, 600 mg.
If it doesn't work, just take more. Take more.
It was a Sunday, I remember going downstairs to get the paper to check out all the crap in flyers that could improve my self confidence. You know, like my step sister, like my stepmother. Gotta keep up.
He was weary of my psychological movements, because, well ... long story short, I fucked him over bad.
I had, just earlier that morning given him shit for this and that, implying his disloyalty.
For no reason I must mention.
I am crazy. I know, people all are, but I am sometimes a real psycho.
He asked me who certain people are, why I am taking to them and the situation went out of hand.
Suddenly the conversation shifted away from the issue to words, torture of self esteem and complete lack of sensibility.
He says "Stop, I can't breathe"
I scream "Fuck you".
Tears pouring out of my eyes. I can't see. All I see is a white gelatinous mass rolling down my eyes and my head hurts. It hurts so much. My eyes, my ears, my bones, my muscles. It feels as though all of my body had turned into my mania.
I am a red faced psycho monster.
I am a boiling blooded ape.
He begs "Please Babe, Stop"
And I cry "Fuck you" "Fuck you" "Fuck you"
So he just stops moving.
Just like that.
I am still convinced he is full of shit.